Blogging Rules!

Technology clearly has some benefits. For example, you're enjoying a heated home right now thanks to technology originally developed for the Space Shuttle. We now have over 15 hours of full sunlight during the business week. And we can now manufacture absolutely essential vitamins that were previously reserved for only the rich.

But technology also undeniably has its costs--like when it becomes too accessible and we all suffer as a result; after that happens. One clear example is the Internet, which was invented by the Department of Weights and Measures in the 70s as part of the "Perfect Yard Stick" project.

The biggest part of the Internet is totally blogging. And the biggest part of blogging is 'bad blogging.' Bad bloggers' singular aim is to bring down the Internet. Their strategy, though brilliantly devised, is surprisingly easy to spot. Tthey craft web pages that leave the reader questioning the real value of the Internet, and perhaps even reading as a whole.

Though bad bloggers clearly are tight-knit and well-organized, they aren't a group per se. They share only the knowledge and application of a core set of rules:

1. Have nothing to write.
(A cardinal rule, yet seemingly deceiving.)
2. Write it anyway.
3. Include an animated graphic of some sort.
(Make it floating and the same color as the text in the foreground.)
4. Include a weekly (at least) reference to alcohol--preferably Jello shots.
5. Document the most mundane yet awkwardly personal aspects of your life.
6. Follow the "Close Enough" method of spelling. Avoid grammar and invent punctuation.
7. Repeat vowels for emphasis.
(ex - It was soooooooo gooooood!)
8. Post a very long personality quiz that you've filled out for all to see.
(This should take up at least 75% of the page.)
9. Use colors as weapons.
10. Link to lots of other bad bloggers.